Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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