Taylor Swift is so right about you.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
