Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
