I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
