Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
