Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Randomize