I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
