before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
