i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Randomize
