Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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