first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
