I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
