I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
