Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
