I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Is it normal to miss your booty call?
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
