"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Randomize
