be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize