It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
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