It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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