I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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