just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
My ATM looks so different sober.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
