you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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