i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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