he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
