i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
