May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
