i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
