This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize