I wannas sexs uuuuu
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Randomize
