we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Randomize