I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize