my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
