Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
