i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
