My friends, they love my intelligence
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
