I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Randomize