He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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