I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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