haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
