You're my little dorito
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Randomize
