so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Randomize
