i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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