Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
