I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
You've changed since you got that strap on
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Randomize
