I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
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