just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
