I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
