Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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