Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
