Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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