Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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