My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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