Me. At least after what I've been through.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
