yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
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