They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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