During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
