idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
