He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
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