When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Randomize
