well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
