# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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