oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
