im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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