I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
