Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Randomize
